i know there's opinions, let me hear 'em

[br0k3n]

ok lets start from the beginning...

i start dating a girl.... we move in together(this was the plan before we got together, but we got trashed about 2 weeks before we moved into the apartment and things happened yada yada yada) 3 months go by and she cheats on me with some dude she was seeing before me.

now, i work with this girl, in the same department and we have a 9 month lease on our apartment, so being the dumbshit that i am, i stay with her.

months go by and were doing ok.... we move out of the apartment and into a house...

now weve been together about 1 1/2 years. my best friend (at the time) comes back from indiana for my 21st birthday... while im at work he is fucking my girlfriend.... but i dont find this out just yet....


a few months go by after he leaves and one night out of the blue she calls me at 2am and tells me she isnt coming home and she is staying at her new boyfriends house. i flip out(and shortly ater her sister tells me about my friend).

about 2 months go by and things arent working out with them... im wondering how im going to pay rent/bills etc and she wants to move back in.... after much hesitation and rejecting of ass i finally give in...she moves back in, we fight alot and thats how things go until about a month ago when we decide this isnt working and we need to break up... we decide she can have the shitty house and ill move out... i request a few days off to move all my shit out.... THE DAY i get everything moved out and everything is final... she takes a pregnancy test and it comes up positive... the next day she takes another... same results... she goes to the doctor... same results....

now im pretty certain this child is mine, and now im all moved out. i cant move back in due to the fact her mother is already living there...
now she wants to be together....we mix like oil and water and are completely not right for each other...what do i do? do i stay with her and make my life living hell? or do i break up with her and become a "cop out" (as she says)? either way i will be there 110% for my child, but im just looking for a little outside input because everyone of my friends seems to think i should leave her... anyways... let me know your thoughts...

[nouseforaname]

Things are now complicated now that she is pregnant.. You have to think about the child and what would make you happy as well..

As far as the cheating goes.. Well, me personally- I dont tolerate any cheating.. If i ever catch my wife cheating on me ill walk out the door and out of the relationship. No questions asked...

If a girl is cheating on you- well, she really doesnt give a shit about you or she wouldnt be cheating on you...

Brandon

[Mayo Finch]

At this point, you know that things are not going well interpersonally. Don't assume that by being together for the child is the wise choice. Legal representation will help you paternal determination, custody rights and the advise you recieve will determine you real position compared to the precieved position you currently have.
Don't make any asumptions at this point. Protect your interest and the interest of the future of all prospective futures that may develop. Many people have a bad feeling towards bringing legal aspects into play before situations develop, but this is a real situation that deserves strong attention.
Advising against moving back in with her would be practacle. Has she made a firm commitment to changing the way she approaches the relationship? Have you changed the way you address her as far as conflict goes? Is there any respect that hold validity?
Consider everything going into this. Don't pay any attention to feelings of guilt, especially if it is being used as a motivatator to get you to do what she wants without your input and contemplation. Move issues towards discussion and away from argument.

I'm done and going to sleep. Good luck.

[br0k3n]

what about the pertinent information of...


i dont have enough money for a lawyer!


other than that... your point was well taken except for the fact... she has this wonderful way of turning everyhting i say around on me and making me look and feel like an asshole:( even if i try to turn it toward discussion, but i guess thats what your getting at isnt it?


food for thought...

[outoftowner]

It's refreshing to be reminded that I'm not the only person who has a complete whackjob girl driving him mad.

[Aero]

Wait till the baby is born, take it and leave... if the mother's out sleeping around behind your back she's a whore and a liar... both off which don't make very good mothers. Up until now, it sounds like niether of you have been very responsible with your actions... now's the time to step up to the plate. One thing you should be sure of is that she is not going to take much responsiblity over the child, and that she'll just keep cheating if you're together.

Getting married or staying together for the kids is horrible for every one.. It makes the parent's lives hell and the childrens. You two will constantly fight and thats not healthy for a child to see/ hear.

aero...

[glo wyrm]

imho, i would recomend informing her(as calmly as posable) that she can fuck off and die, but you will do everything posable to make sure the child has a happy and fullfilling life. you just won't deal with her at all. cheating on someone shows that you don't care at all, and it should not be tolerated. i wish you luck and happyness whatever happens.

[sothis]

i start dating a girl.... we move in together(this was the plan before we got together, but we got trashed about 2 weeks before we moved into the apartment and things happened yada yada yada) 3 months go by and she cheats on me with some dude she was seeing before me.

now, i work with this girl, in the same department and we have a 9 month lease on our apartment, so being the dumbshit that i am, i stay with her.

months go by and were doing ok.... we move out of the apartment and into a house...

now weve been together about 1 1/2 years. my best friend (at the time) comes back from indiana for my 21st birthday... while im at work he is fucking my girlfriend.... but i dont find this out just yet....


a few months go by after he leaves and one night out of the blue she calls me at 2am and tells me she isnt coming home and she is staying at her new boyfriends house. i flip out(and shortly ater her sister tells me about my friend).

this is like reading an identical copy of what happened to my current boyfriend of 1.5 years with his last relationship. she was constantly fucking people behind his back, while living with him, and just bad shit.

the kid thing is fucked up though. i would NOT take her word for it. try to get a DNA test before you throw your life away over such things.

[Headphones Dude]

Yeah, I agree with Kim. You don't know for 110% sure that it is your kid, if she seems to have a cheating pattern. Just for your sanity, I'd get checked for any diseases as well. (Better safe than sorry). I'm sure you can find legal counsel for cheap, if you ask around....

[bgirl503]

i think one you should get a paternity test so theres no confusion in the future and second and most importantly i think you need to realize there is a differnece between being a PARENT and being a BOYFREIND, i've seen this mistake happen all to often, you can be a good PARENT and not be a BOYFRIEND/SPOUSE. that's my opinion.

[Cedwyn]

what lucyfurr said. seriously. you yourself said you two "mix like oil and water."

[ILYA]

wow, doesnt happen often that everyone on the board agrees... i join the rest and say - dump her and just take care of the baby if its yours...

[Machine]

You got played because you allowed yourself to, despite all the warning signs.

[bungle bliss]

Originally posted by sothis


i would NOT take her word for it. try to get a DNA test before you throw your life away over such things.

I agree 100%. My uncle raised a son for six years before a DNA test said it wasn't his child. He had his suspicions because the kid had bleach-blonde hair and blue eyes and I come from a family with darkish hair and eyes. They were splitting up, a custody battle ensued, and as a result a paternity test was done, and turns out he had been raising someone else's kid. The mother then cut off all contact with my uncle, he lost his "son" (ouch), his "son" lost a good "father", and I lost my favorite "cousin", which made me sad because he was the only kid I ever actually liked.

But yeah, prenatal DNA testing should be done, soon. http://www.genetree.com/product/prenatal-paternity-testing.asp

So you two never discussed the "what-ifs" before you had unprotected sex? This is something you should always always always always do. Always. A better choice would be not to have unprotected sex, but I know someone who got pregnant while using protection (condoms), so anything is possible.

Even if it is your kid, treat the kid like gold, and treat her like what she is- the incubator. The kid will understand when they grow up and learn the details. I personally wouldn't want my parents to stay together for my sake if they didn't like each other.

[gingerballs]

Don't be with her.

Having two parents that fight is WAY worse then having living with one parent and having the other for support, just not in the same house.

-Rob

[krush0ne]

You won't be a very good father if you are unhappy all the time. My best friend went through this with his ex. He kept trying to make things work with her for the sake of thier kid, but in the end he figured that if he wasn't happy, then how was that going to reflect on his child.

My advice is drop the bitch, she's put you through hell, don't let her do that to you. Move on with youre life, let her live her own life, and be there for your child. Hell, try and get custody if you think he/she will have better life living with you. Your ex sounds liek a psychotic biznatch if you ask me.

[the_planet]

If you think you can care for the kid, do it. Drop that hoe.

Bitches leave.

[AliciaisAlwaysPimpin]

go on maury povich!


you are NOT the father! :D

[psychonautofgod]

Man, you will be best to stay away from that girl. She sounds like poison to me and is not a healthy person to even associate with. I hope that you take the advice of the people on this board and STAY AWAY from her. She obviously is manipulative and doesn't respect you at all, and as bad as that is, at least you know now and not years and years down the road, not that that makes you feel any better. As far as the child goes, I say if it's yours, do what you can for it, but be sure it's yours. You don't need to take responsibility for her infidelities. But definitly, do not stay with her just for the child even if it is yours, because that in the long run would really prove to be detrimental to all of you due to the fact that children really do pick up on the external world and feel strongly that tumoil that would most certainly surround you and its mother. Well, I hope that you find peace of mind in your decision and that it best.

Peace and Tranquility,
psychonautofgod.

[gingerballs]

Btw.

Get a blood test, she sounds like a trick. So the baby might not be yours.

-Rob

[br0k3n]

thanks for the input guys... i do appreciate it... i just needed some outside opinions..


and i think i should get an award or something... for starting a thread where everyone has the same side lol... dont think ive ever seen that on nwtekno:D

[mchll888]

Take a DNA test. If it's yours be a father.
You are not a "cop out" if you are not with her. You would be making a responsible decision. Staying with her for the sake of the child would be much worse for that child than having two happy parents that live seperately. Best wishes............. take care.

[gingerballs]

Originally posted by mchll888
Take a DNA test. If it's yours be a father.
You are not a "cop out" if you are not with her. You would be making a responsible decision. Staying with her for the sake of the child would be much worse for that child than having two happy parents that live seperately. Best wishes............. take care.

Stop trying to be like me with your advise ;).

-Rob

[SaggyD]

I'll break this down into steps

1.) Find out if it's yer kid.
2.) If it is (go to step three) if it isn't, ditch the bitch!
3.) As a parent you're first priority is your child, so whatever life would be better for your kid you must choose. If you and your GF can be friends still during this process just be a friend so she wont go ape shit and try to take custody or something.
4.) Make some money and get ready to be a daddy.

Peace,
SaggyD

[Star_Dancer]

Originally posted by br0k3n
what about the pertinent information of...


i dont have enough money for a lawyer!


Sell your story to Soap Opera weekly. They'd eat it up. Then you can afford the DNA test and the Lawyer.

And now you will probrably have figured out DON'T DATE. In fact don't do the "Love" thing at all, it never works out in the end. Haven't you been reading NWTekno?

[Advent]

I'm suprised no one brought up abortion.

That's what I would recommend....

[bungle bliss]

^^^^ what Advent said.

I didn't have the balls. :D

[Star_Dancer]

YES! EAT THE FETUS!

[mchll888]

Originally posted by Advent
I'm suprised no one brought up abortion.

That's what I would recommend....
He can't abort a child you dumbass........... If he did the deed and she wants to keep it he can help support it. It sounds to me like he wants to support it if it is his.

Rob- sorry, I didn't read the posts before I replied ;)

[Star_Dancer]

Originally posted by mchll888

He can't abort a child you dumbass...........

He can push her down a couple flights of stairs.

[ILYA]

^^^ bad humor there, yo

[bungle bliss]

There's humor in everythng. ;)

Originally posted by mchll888

He can't abort a child you dumbass...........

Can can suggest it, you wise old sage...........I mean dumbass.

[sam-i-am262]

Originally posted by br0k3n
now im pretty certain this child is mine....
Really? What the hell made you so certain? From what you said, this girl's history proves that she doesn't know wtf she wants - & that she can't be trusted.
Originally posted by br0k3n
now she wants to be together....we mix like oil and water and are completely not right for each other...what do i do?
When the kid is born get a DNA test. If it is yours then you'll be certain. & if it's not.... RUN!! As fast as you can & as far as possible!
Originally posted by br0k3n
do i stay with her and make my life living hell? or do i break up with her and become a "cop out" (as she says)?
Intentionally staying with someone knowing that your life will become a "living hell" is never a good plan. She has made your life a living hell already. Grow some balls & step away from this girl. There are girls out there that will respect you & treat you the way you should be treated. She is not one of them.
Most of all..... why should you give a rats ass if she thinks your a "cop out" or not? Is she forgetting that she cheated on you twice (that you know about)? She's the "cop out." When she should've communicated with you - she cheated on you. You later tried to communicate with her - & she called you a cop out? Blech..... this girl is making my head spin. I can't imagine how you've put up with it.......


The moral of the story?

If a child does come of this - & it's yours..... be a man & step up to the plate. You can be a good father without having to date this girl.

Otherwise....
run,
run,
run, as far away as you can!!

Heed my words....

;)

Leah!!

[mchll888]

Originally posted by bungle bliss
There's humor in everythng. ;)



Can can suggest it, you wise old sage...........I mean dumbass.
*chortle*

[Advent]

Originally posted by mchll888

He can't abort a child you dumbass...........

HUH?

[Dj X-Zit]

hey dude I don't know if its already been said in thie thread or not but I'm wondering.
how do you know for sure that its YOUR child?
Shes obviosuly pregant. But you said she cheated on you correct?
Also even if the child is yours and you have your personal reasons (how you may know the kids yours e.t.c.)--was the child concived under the influence of drugs or alcholol?
Becuase if thats the case abortion would probally be a good option. You don't want to have to pay for child support AND have a child that has a mental/physical disabilty.


Also ya shes defintly not for you. Don't fuck your life over this shit.
At least you can still have some sort of independence from her if you go and do your own thing.
Even if the kid is yours e.t.c. you can still pay the child support and everything, but it doesn't imply that you ahve to get back togheter with her or get married or anything. Like others have said its better that the kid would have 2 sepreated happy parents then 2 parents that don't get along well.

Like others have said I suggest a lawyer if needed.

Good luck,
Will

[mchll888]

Originally posted by Advent


HUH?
dumbass was sarcastic............. I thought it was funny you told a guy to abort a child that he isn't carrying........

[br0k3n]

well, i told her to fuck off today when she told me id make a bad father and that she wishes it was someone elses kid... we are getting a paternity test when the kid is born so she can "prove" its mine... but until then at least i dont have to listen to her mouth anymore:)

she even packed my clothes for me:D

[br0k3n]

oh, and abortion is not an option... she is about as anti abortion as you can get

[Advent]

Originally posted by mchll888
............. I thought it was funny you told a guy to abort a child that he isn't carrying........

No I did'nt you dumb ass! I said I would recommend abortion. I don't know where your getting this stuff other then your dumb ass!

[Star_Dancer]

Originally posted by br0k3n
oh, and abortion is not an option... she is about as anti abortion as you can get

I still say accidently toss her down a flight of stairs then ;)

[Gucci Smoochies]

Oh man, John. That's really really shitty. Is she anyone I know? Cus we all know how small a town Gag Harbor is...

Anyhows, most all of the advice I would like to give has already been said. You're a great guy and have a good heart. I'm sorry you got fucked over by a stupid bitch. It's amazing how you can honestly keep letting yourself get fucked over again and again, how you can lie to yourself and convince yourself it's gonna be okay this time only to find out that things are progressing down the same path as before.

Since abortion is not an option, perhaps adoption? Obviously she is not fit to be a mother. I don't know your financial situation but a child is a big responsiblity. If you are ready and willing to take that on (Granted the child turns out to be yours) then be prepared to turn your life around to be there for that child. I know if it comes down to it, you would be there for that child, and honestly, if it came down to it, I think part of you will still be there for her despite all the shit that has occurred.

You're a good guy with a good heart. Don't let this stupid bitch cut you down and make you feel otherwise. There are people in this world who are never happy with themselves and make it their mission to ruin the lives of those around them. Don't let her or this ruin your life. There is a silver lining here. If you turn out to be a father, enjoy it! Battle for custody and get that kid out of that situation. Don't sacrifice yourself for her anymore. She doens't deserve your generousity or your patience. She doesnt' deserve you.

That said, I wish you the best of luck babe. I'm sorry this has happened to you. If you ever need someone to talk to you know I'm here. Hell, my mom lives down that way anyhows, I can come see her and meet up with your ass at the Harvester. :D

Take care hon. I'm sure things will work out. Just keep positive okie?

Much love <333

[Resonance Required]

Okay~ I finally clicked on this, and I have to get these words out before I can catch up on the rest of the thread... (know what I mean?)
Originally posted by br0k3n
ok lets start from the beginning...

i start dating a girl.... we move in together(this was the plan before we got together, but we got trashed about 2 weeks before we moved into the apartment and things happened yada yada yada) 3 months go by and she cheats on me with some dude she was seeing before me.
some rules to help you in the future: (and trust me!... this was ALL learned by experience!!!)

#1) NEVER, EVER move in with someone unless you have dated at least TWO years!

now, i work with this girl, in the same department and we have a 9 month lease on our apartment, so being the dumbshit that i am, i stay with her.

#2) NEVER date anyone you work with. If it seems they really could be the one... and your job is "disposable" find a better job and then date them.

months go by and were doing ok.... we move out of the apartment and into a house...

now weve been together about 1 1/2 years. my best friend (at the time) comes back from indiana for my 21st birthday... while im at work he is fucking my girlfriend.... but i dont find this out just yet....

a few months go by after he leaves and one night out of the blue she calls me at 2am and tells me she isnt coming home and she is staying at her new boyfriends house. i flip out(and shortly ater her sister tells me about my friend).

#3) If they cheat on you once and you let them get away with it... THEY WILL DO IT AGAIN. Old habits are hard to break.

about 2 months go by and things arent working out with them... im wondering how im going to pay rent/bills etc and she wants to move back in.... after much hesitation and rejecting of ass i finally give in...she moves back in, we fight alot and thats how things go until about a month ago when we decide this isnt working and we need to break up...

#4) Fuck me once... shame on you, Fuck me twice, shame on me. Fuck the bills... you'll be in debt, but you'll be alive and better off. The head-fuck you'd go through finding a roommate is a waaay better deal.

#5) Put yourself first. You gotta learn to LOVE YOURSELF baby!!!! Take care of yourself... think about what you will loose. And forget the pussy... it comes in plastic too and that shit doesn't talk back or take your money!!! (I've got A LOT of guy friends who'll back me up on this one)

...we decide she can have the shitty house and ill move out... i request a few days off to move all my shit out.... THE DAY i get everything moved out and everything is final... she takes a pregnancy test and it comes up positive... the next day she takes another... same results... she goes to the doctor... same results....now im pretty certain this child is mine, and now im all moved out. i cant move back in due to the fact her mother is already living there.......

#6) Regardless of how sure you are... GET A TEST!!! One of the things I personally detest the most is women who lie to men about "who's the baby's daddy" bullshit... and yet it happens everyday. GET A TEST!!! (and on a side note... I am so sorry you have to go through this)

...now she wants to be together....we mix like oil and water and are completely not right for each other...what do i do? do i stay with her and make my life living hell? or do i break up with her and become a "cop out" (as she says)? either way i will be there 110% for my child, but im just looking for a little outside input because everyone of my friends seems to think i should leave her... anyways... let me know your thoughts...

errr... my suggestion... is look into adoption/abortion, really. What quality of life could you/either or both bring for this child? If you struggle already? What sort of emotions will you have for this child? Will you harbor unconscious resentment and then feel guilt for not being able to provide the care this innocent being you've brought into the world by carelessness? Shouldn't the child deserve a home that can provide the best in everyway? What quality of life will you have? Having a child changes your life irreversibly and if you are not ready... DID NOT PLAN IT... Then you need to make plans for it... every child deserves the best. Can you give this child the best? Can she? And here's where it sucks... YOU don't get to make the decision!!!! You will be tied to this woman for the rest of your life!!! And don't for one stinkin' mother fuckin' moment make the mistake most young unplanned parents do and think that just because there is an embryo you've created together that you HAVE to be together. You already know it is not right... why stick around and torture yourself more? This child does not deserve to witness that... that's one way domestic abuse begins... think of all of the unhappy people out there stuck in situations they can't get out of and how they lash out. If you are truely oil and water... you'd be a fool to get back into that situation. Be there for the baby, or help make plans for the baby/embryo... do what you have to do there... but if how you typed this is really how it is... don't make the mistake of getting "trapped". PLEASE!

I had been dating a guy for a year and a half. We were responsible, used protection and talked about what we would do if I ever ended up pregnant. Well... one drunken night... we didn't use protection and wtf.. I ended up pregnant at 19. I couldn't face the possibility of abortion, and couldn't stand the thought of always looking over my shoulder and wondering if that was my baby on the corner holding that woman's hand. I knew I was out of HS.. and felt the need to be responsible for my actions. So, I told my bf at the time I wanted to keep it. Although he'd always said if it ever happened he'd stay by my side and support me.... he flipped out. I was stubborn and said "Well.. with or without you, I'm keeping it!" He said "Fine! Do it w/o me!" So, my natural retort was "Fuck you then!... I'm doing it on my own!" We broke up, got back together 2 months before the due date and lasted another year after the baby was born. We were so fucking POOR. (It's different being poor by yourself than with a baby/child) I had to use cloth fucking diapers and worked at a daycare in a bowling alley walking distance away. That year was the hardest year I can really remember. I was MISERABLE!!!! He'd lost all his luster when we broke up the last time, but I felt that because we had a child together, we had to be together. We broke up... when my son was a year old... I ended up in an abusive relationship and got lost shortly afterward. Refusing to accept the fact that I was a Mom... and wanting to "drown" all my sorrows (alcohol) or have the high take the pain away. The two years that followed were a blur full of parties and drugs. I hit rock bottom when he was 3, and realized that I had to stop paying "real", "decent people" to care for him, BE a "real", "decent person" and take care of him myself... I had to accept that I was a MOM and learn to not just love my child, but teach him to love... teach him life.. I had to set MYSELF aside.. MY life aside... everything and focus on him. And it took until he was 4 to do so. Today... (fuck... I'm crying at this point) he turned 6. HE IS MY WORLD, MY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING I DO, I DO FOR THIS CHILD. I WOULD DIE FOR HIM IN AN INSTANT, COMMIT MURDER TO PROTECT HIM. HE IS MY LIFE. Six years later. I am finally providing for him as he deserves.

I tell you..., and I plead with you... make sure that you are ready for this. REALLY really ready for this... not for you... but for this kid. THIS CHILD DESERVES THE BEST. Can you give it to him/her?

So... rule #7) THINK before you act... always. Because soon... you may not just be thinking for yourself.. you will be thinking for someone else, and you will have to teach them to think.

I wish you the best of luck! PM me if ya wanna chat... k?
One of my favorite movie lines is from the movie "The Crow" and goes something like this: "Mother is the word for God on all children's lips."
Father applies too you know.

Good Luck...
PS... for what ever happens... and I don't want to leave you on such a grim note: This Saturday I am having a birthday party for my son. There will be around 15 kids, a fire truck and fire fighters that will be teaching fire safety and giving them a ride on a "real fire-truck" (lol)... a BBQ, a pinata, cake.. goody bags,... etc.. lots of presents... all costing me around $600.00. But WELL WORTH IT!!! So... if you do end up having a child... it does get better... but remember... be READY.. and don't blink... because they grow so fast. They grow so fast. If you blink you may miss something really important... kinda like I did for those two years. *do not regret what you did... but what you did not do* Good Luck babe! Keep your chin up, there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

R.


*edited for spelling and grammar

[Resonance Required]

okay.. finally read the rest! Yup! good for you babe! you're on the right track! and a lot of support to boot! Your origional post had me so worked up I had to reply before I could check out the rest... good to hear your doin' better!!! :D :D :D