"Marriage Contract of Wifely Expectations."

[Mayo Finch]

All I have to say is, "holy shit!" and "I'm guessing he's a Virgo"

Click this link to one of the most fucked up marriage contracts ever!
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html

[dj cid 6.7]

Wow! he got the entire contract into one page! lol

[Mayo Finch]

actually there are 3 more pages. (page numbers are at the bottom of the page)

[outoftowner]

Seems reasonable to me. What?

[dj cid 6.7]

Originally posted by Mayo Finch
actually there are 3 more pages. (page numbers are at the bottom of the page)

Oh, ++++slaps self++++

I wonder, what did the contract for the kids looked like??

[Gucci Smoochies]

That is disgusting. My boyfriend knows better then to even consider proposing a contract like that.

What I don't get is why she agreed to it.

[Cethe]

^ ^ ^ actually it said she never signed it... but it was unclear if she generally followed it or not.

[Cedwyn]

!@#$%& creepy. an ex of mine pulled some of this shit once. not nearly so extreme or detailed, but he mainly wrote up a handful of things that he wanted, one of which was telling me i had to dress up specifically for him every so often. like i said, he's an ex...

[°*.¤:ÅMÖ§:¤.*°]

Yuck! Fuck that guy!

Sorry, I'm still all pumped up from the "female drama thread."

uhg!

[Gucci Smoochies]

Originally posted by Cethe
^ ^ ^ actually it said she never signed it... but it was unclear if she generally followed it or not.

See the story I heard was that she did. *shrugs* Either way if anyone presented me with a marital contract I would walk. Why she stayed with someone that controlling gets me.

[SomeCh!cksmom]

honestly, i don't think the problem is the contract itself. if used correctly, a contract [of sorts] could help outline the expectations, rights and responsibilities of both parties.

as a divorcee and someone who will probably end up married in the near future, i could see the benefit of having [reasonable] expectations set out on paper so that both people could have something to refer to to remind them of the path they are on.

thats my vanilla answer.

in the kink scene, contracts like this are common place. i know many people who choose to live thier lives as masters and slaves, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, there are submissive women [and men, i suppose] who respond wholeheartedly to contracts and arrangements such as this.

i couldn't even begin to start touching on the psychology of d/s, but this guy is seriously outside of his bounds, and to me...that's where the problem is. a good dominant - hell, a good communicator - will lay out thier expectations, and a good submissive will not only meet them, but exceed the expecations, and do it out of absolute love for thier partner. if it's working out the way it's supposed to, neither party will end up feeling slighted or abused.

i'm sure when this lady married this man, she was aware of his kinky proclivities. what im interested in knowing is how it got from bondage to rape - seems like there was a huge misuse of control, and a big breakdown of communiation. i won't even touch on the child porn charges.
Mistress Matisse (http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/2006/02/number-of-people-have-asked-me-to.html ) of stranger fame articulates it a whole lot better than i could, or did.

seems like this guy got a lot of feathers in an uproar. sure, i think he's disgusting, but the contract isn't the reason.

[pretylc]

OMG! .....I really don't know what to say about this except that a punch and a kick in the nads is called for.

[texas chainsaw mascara]

Originally posted by SomeCh!cksMom

in the kink scene, contracts like this are common place. i know many people who choose to live thier lives as masters and slaves, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, there are submissive women [and men, i suppose] who respond wholeheartedly to contracts and arrangements such as this.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

Since there's absolutely no mention of what their relationship was like, there's no telling. HOWEVER- if they had a true D/s relationship then this shouldn't have come as a shock to her, and should not have prompted her to contact police.

My money's on the likelihood of him thinking that's how their relationship was, while she didn't fully get it. Communication in relationships like that is REALLY important. She may not have realized how heavily he was into the kink scene when she got involved. Which still makes HIM a jackass for not being clear.

[outoftowner]

Originally posted by SomeCh!cksMom
[B]

in the kink scene, contracts like this are common place. ]


For reals. I could totally see myself doing this down the road if I'm still in my current relationship. Of course it's all (mostly) in good fun. I gaurantee she would think is is hot....but it's all in presentation.

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by dajah
This is exactly what I was going to say.

Since there's absolutely no mention of what their relationship was like, there's no telling. HOWEVER- if they had a true D/s relationship then this shouldn't have come as a shock to her, and should not have prompted her to contact police.

My money's on the likelihood of him thinking that's how their relationship was, while she didn't fully get it. Communication in relationships like that is REALLY important. She may not have realized how heavily he was into the kink scene when she got involved. Which still makes HIM a jackass for not being clear.


without communication, things like this happen.

a good dom will help his submissive establish a safe word, and will IMMEDIATELY stop the presses when that word is used. it's not a joke, or to be used lightly, and a responsible sub knows this and uses it accordingly.

alot of what goes on in the kink scene could be perceived as abuse, and would be if it was not agreed upon by both parties. huge amounts of trust need to be earned before a man can feel safe enough to start "beating on" his woman, or before a woman can feel safe enough to let him beat on her / tieing her up / whathaveyou [im assuming this is what she likes] while knowing that he will pick up the pieces when he's done. this relationship was obviously missing communication and aftercare, two VERY important elements of a d/s relationship.

[Bentmouse]

stfu and smdiym . . lmao. .

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by Bentmouse
stfu and smdiym . . lmao. .

you pose no threat from where you are. go eat your cereal.










:)

[Cethe]

Originally posted by outoftowner
I gaurantee she would think is is hot....but it's all in presentation.

fur sure...if it's THAT kind of scenario....it sounds like she didn't really know waddup...

[Mayo Finch]

1. You will have the kind of hot dog that I want on the rollers ready when I get there.

2. If the hot dogs are not on the rollers, juicy and hot, then you will lose Clerk Appreciation Points (CDP)

3. You will make sure that the syrup in the fountain is working and functional before I get to the store. If you notice that your boss has under ordered the slavor of soda I like, you will take it upon yourself to call the soda popl people and have them make a special delivery.

4. the condiments must be fully stocked so I don't have to ask you if you have any ketchup in the back.

5. You will have ten bean & cheese burrito's in the cooler so that if other people decide to buy burrito's, I will still have a likely shot at getting one. You must also make sure that the burrito's are not past their expiration date. You will be docked 3 CDP's if this is not done.

6. You will let me mix my six packs of beer with whatever beer I want and you'll only charge me for the price of the six pack container that I bring to the counter and not charge me individually for each one. (Doing so will cost you 40 CDP's)

7. You will make sure that you have the kind of cigarettes that I smoke ready for me by the time that I get to the counter. If you have run out of what I smoke, you will have my second choice available. You are expected to know and remember my preferences.

8. You may redeem CDP's for a friendlier experience from me. You can only redeem them for the next time I come in.

9. You have to keep the beer that I like in stock and on sale all the time.

10. You are only allowed to talk to me about how drunk I was the last time I came in when I am alone and not when I am with a date or someones parents.

11. this list isn't that funny...He did 4 pages of this shit?

[dislocatedlogic]

Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Just as a warning, if my future husband/boyfriend/whatever is on this board...
If you ever try to pull shit like that with me, you will DIE. SLOWLY.

[texas chainsaw mascara]

Yeah, it sounds awful. But I don't think he did that in the context most of you are putting it in, though.

I'm pretty convinced this was a Dom/sub relationship contract, which (as Jess said) is pretty common in the kink community. She might not have fully understood his intentions, but I don't think they were malicious towards her in any case. He obviously went about things the wrong way though. He's definitely guilty of being an idiot, but I'm not sure I'd take it any further than that. Not unless somebody's got some additional information.

This has been pretty one-sided. I'd like to hear his own explanation.

[dislocatedlogic]

Yeah, I realized that possibility as I was reading through it.
Maybe I just didn't like it because I'm usually the Dom. Reading it in 2nd person and "hearing" these orders as if they were being given to me must have gotten me all pissy and shit. :p

[SomeCh!cksmom]

i was in a relationship, if you can call it that, with someone who is very dominant, and i am sexually submissive by nature.

when i entered into this relationship, the expecations were clearly set out. i knew what was expected of me, and he knew what i expected of him. his expectations seemed harsh to those who loved me, but nobody understood that those expecations were not only what i wanted, but helped me grow. there were "consequences" [not as harsh as these, nor as rigid] for behavior that wasn't conducive to the arrangement that we'd agreed upon, honestly, it helped me break some REALLY bad habits.

the psychology of this is very difficult to understand. even though i possess this attitude, i really don't get it, i just know that i respond to it.

even in my current relationship, where that part of my personality really hasn't been given the chance to present itself, i would certainly benefit from having the "rules" of the relationship, as agreed by both parties put down on paper. that way, when emotions take over, and we lose sight of the goal, we can refer to something we both set up and remind ourselves what we promised to give, and what we want to recieve.

to me it's all about communication, trust, and consent. something went awry here, and i'm going to go out on a limb and say the responsibility falls on both parties to make thier needs/expectations/disappointments known. even if she had signed this, she has the right the next day to say "ya know honey, this is just a little too much for me, can we back up a little bit?".

this is a touchy subject, and we don't really know what happened. from my perspective, there is a huge responsibility in being the dominant in a relationship, because when you have the ability to tear someone down, you also are trusted to build them back up when you're done [aftercare] - without that, it's just abuse.

wow, i need a ciggy after that. :)

[texas chainsaw mascara]

Originally posted by SomeCh!cksMom
without communication, things like this happen.

a good dom will help his submissive establish a safe word, and will IMMEDIATELY stop the presses when that word is used. it's not a joke, or to be used lightly, and a responsible sub knows this and uses it accordingly.

alot of what goes on in the kink scene could be perceived as abuse, and would be if it was not agreed upon by both parties. huge amounts of trust need to be earned before a man can feel safe enough to start "beating on" his woman, or before a woman can feel safe enough to let him beat on her / tieing her up / whathaveyou [im assuming this is what she likes] while knowing that he will pick up the pieces when he's done. this relationship was obviously missing communication and aftercare, two VERY important elements of a d/s relationship.

Exactly.

A healthy D/s relationship (of any kind, not just sexual) means completely trusting the person you're with, and understanding what they want compared to what you want. The critical element of these relationships is that BOTH people enjoy the dynamic between each other. It's one thing to have the person you know and trust to tie you up and slap you around as a part of what you're into, and something ENTIRELY different for a complete stranger to do it. That's the difference between kinky sex and rape.


There's actually a REALLY good book that puts a lot of the kink community's ins and outs in plain English. Come Hither- Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684854627/104-7681739-3884754?v=glance&n=283155) is a TRULY fantastic read for anyone interested in how these relationships work in a healthy way.

[texas chainsaw mascara]

Originally posted by SomeCh!cksMom

there is a huge responsibility in being the dominant in a relationship, because when you have the ability to tear someone down, you also are trusted to build them back up when you're done [aftercare] - without that, it's just abuse.


I like the way you put that.
It can be incredibly hard to find the right dominant person to copmlement a submissive partner. I've only ever found one person I could have a D/s (sexual) relationship with, where I was totally comfortable trusting him with my safety. In fact, the better the trust, the bigger the turn-on. I have been really lucky to find someone who is perfectly compatible to my tastes and knows my boundaries without me having to spell it out.

[Mayo Finch]

d/s makes me feel weird. I like happy fun stuff.

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by Mayo Finch
d/s makes me feel weird. I like happy fun stuff.

pussy ;)

[Mayo Finch]

Originally posted by SomeCh!cksMom
pussy ;)

Yeah, like pussy!

[mercuria]

my favorite part.
sorry, i find this hilarious:


GBD - 14 for anal intercourse not expected
the rules need to be set in stone.

[Cedwyn]

this guy is not your average dom/sub relationship. if people wanna do that, that's fine, but this guy is just an asshole. i forget where in the letter it is, but he specifically says she will be punished for not finishing something she starts, even if she is in pain.

that right there is FUCKED UP. period.

[texas chainsaw mascara]

Originally posted by Cedwyn
this guy is not your average dom/sub relationship. if people wanna do that, that's fine, but this guy is just an asshole. i forget where in the letter it is, but he specifically says she will be punished for not finishing something she starts, even if she is in pain.

that right there is FUCKED UP. period.

Actually it says
"However it is NOT misbehavior to state that there are specific situations requested or expected of you that hurt or cause pain."

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by Cedwyn
this guy is not your average dom/sub relationship. if people wanna do that, that's fine, but this guy is just an asshole. i forget where in the letter it is, but he specifically says she will be punished for not finishing something she starts, even if she is in pain.

that right there is FUCKED UP. period.

i've yet to see an "average" dom/sub relationship. even within the confines of one partner being the more dominant, and the other being submissive, there are a billion other fetishes that come into play.

things that may seem "abnormal" to you, are perfectly okay for others. kink is so subjective, and that is exactly why communication is important.

like i said before, the contract isn't the problem. there was a deviation from the original agreement...something that turned the bondage into abuse, and that opens up a can of worms i'm not even willing to comment on.

[Cedwyn]

Originally posted by dajah
Actually it says
"However it is NOT misbehavior to state that there are specific situations requested or expected of you that hurt or cause pain."


read the whole thing. it's under non-compliance.

[Mi'ka]

They were discussing this on the radio the other day. Sounds like she went to the police because when she refused to sign the contract he tied her to the bed and told her he wouldn't let her go until she did.

So, imo that is using force and it TOTALLY wrong. I don't care if they had kinky stuff going on before this, you don't tie someone up and tell them they can't move until they do what you tell them to, especially against their will. That's just creepy and fucked up.

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by Mi'ka
They were discussing this on the radio the other day. Sounds like she went to the police because when she refused to sign the contract he tied her to the bed and told her he wouldn't let her go until she did.

So, imo that is using force and it TOTALLY wrong. I don't care if they had kinky stuff going on before this, you don't tie someone up and tell them they can't move until they do what you tell them to, especially against their will. That's just creepy and fucked up.

agreed.

safe, sane, and consensual are the key words here. apparently all 3 were ignored.

[Mayo Finch]

Originally posted by SomeCh!cksMom
"safe, sane, and consensual are the key words here. apparently all 3 were ignored.

And everyone should feel, if they weren't in place in the first place then they should have never been mentioned unless to teach those that don't already know.

[texas chainsaw mascara]

Originally posted by Mayo Finch
And everyone should feel, if they weren't in place in the first place then they should have never been mentioned unless to teach those that don't already know.

Maybe my brain just hasn't booted up yet because I just woke up- but could you explain what you mean by this? Do you mean it shouldn't have needed to be put in writing?

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by dajah
Maybe my brain just hasn't booted up yet because I just woke up- but could you explain what you mean by this? Do you mean it shouldn't have needed to be put in writing?

ha, i swear i said the same thing upon reading that.

maybe he hadn't woken up yet either ;)

bottom line, i think this is very difficult to understand for those even with some awareness of kink, let alone for the vanilla folk of the world.

to each thier own, i suppose.

[mercuria]

i haven't gone to bed yet, but i sure as hell wouldn't mind having SCMom and Dajah waking up next to me in the am.
hiiiiii....
anyone else up for a drunken wishing well?
join me.
:D

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by mercuria
i haven't gone to bed yet, but i sure as hell wouldn't mind having SCMom and Dajah waking up next to me in the am.
hiiiiii....
anyone else up for a drunken wishing well?
join me.
:D

that can so happen.

[Mayo Finch]

Originally posted by Mayo Finch
And everyone should feel, if they weren't in place in the first place then they should have never been mentioned unless to teach those that don't already know.

Damn...I came back here to explain what I meant by that but instead I have been scratching my head for the past few minutes wondering what the hell I was thinking...oh well.

[SomeCh!cksmom]

Originally posted by Mayo Finch
Damn...I came back here to explain what I meant by that but instead I have been scratching my head for the past few minutes wondering what the hell I was thinking...oh well.

redeemed.